Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
