there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
