i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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