Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
