Do vagina's smell?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
