I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
