So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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