Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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