You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
