see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Houston, we have a blender
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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