You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
