i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
