the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
