You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
