There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
