Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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