remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
