Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
