you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
