I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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