ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sorry my hands just texted you
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
