I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
