im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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