My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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