Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
