Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
