Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
