If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
