Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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