we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
now i know why i became what i already was.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
