It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
