Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
