My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
