does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
