new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
