This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
