we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
