im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
