Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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