Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
