Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
