Pants 0. Shit 1.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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