At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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