I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
