true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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