Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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