I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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