I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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