White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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