now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
