I wish I could teleport
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
A bitchslap is in order.
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