hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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